Relationships

"मुझको भी तरकीब सिखा कोई यार जुलाहे
अकसर तुझको देखा है कि ताना बुनते
जब कोइ तागा टुट गया या खत्म हुआ
फिर से बांध के
और सिरा कोई जोड़ के उसमे
आगे बुनने लगते हो
तेरे इस ताने में लेकिन
इक भी गांठ गिराह बुन्तर की
देख नहीं सकता है कोइ
मैनें तो ईक बार बुना था एक ही रिश्ता
लेकिन उसकी सारी गिराहे
साफ नजर आती हैं मेरे यार जुलाहे|"

- Gulzar


yesterday was watching a T.V. serial after a long time.. mom always used to appreciate this one.. has seen it sometimes while my to and fro to rooms.... one scene not actually scene but dialogue session invoked some thoughts in my mind.. in the scene, there was a guy very intelligent who solves all problems of the colony and there was an aged man, it was something like this:

" aged man : kya soch rahe ho sandeep?
guy(sandeep) : kuchh nahi ...
aged man : sabki pareshaaniyan hal karte ho, apni pareshaani ka hal tumhaare paas nahi hai..?
sandeep: nahi baba aisaa kuchh nahi lekine. main bas soch rahaa tha ki ye riste bhi bade ajeeb hote hain. jaise mera aur aapka rishta, mera aur chachi ka rishta, mera aur................ urmi .... urmi aur mera... rishta... sabse mera rishta hai hi..
aged man : haan hai to .. kyu kya hua?
sandeep: nahi baba bas main soch rahaa tha ki har rishta jo hum banaate hain usse hum apni marzi se control kyu nahi kar paate? woh waisi shakla kyu nahi leta jaisi hum usse dena chahte hain? aged man : beta! agar hum rishton ko control kar sakte toh woh rishte rishte nahi convinience kehlaate.. ab socho humne sona ki shaadi sudhir se karwaayi jo ek apaahij hai.. uske ma baap nahi hai, itanaa achha kamaataa bhi nahi hai.. sochta hu to lagta hai ki ye galat hua woh sona ke layak nahi hai.. lekin phir sochta hu ki sona uske saath kitani khush hai.. usse kisi cheez ki koi kami nahi dono ek doosare ke saath se poore hain.. tab mujhe isamein koi kami nahi lagti..
sandeep: lekin zaraa sochiye baba agar sudhir ka rishta sona ke saath nahi ........ urmi ke saath uske rishe ki bat chalti ... toh?
aged man : toh ye rishta bilkul nahi hota, koi nahi maantaa.. lekin sandeep.. agar urmi ke rishte baat tumhaare saath chalti ....... toh sab maan jaate..... "

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now what stroke my mind was.. why can't we control .. what way the relationships will go..
ok ok if we can control then they would be convenience..
but then if we can't not control.. aren't there any chances that they would become inconvenience!!!

in the dialogue above the guy sandeep was afraid of the way his relationship with the girl urmi was changing its shape.. he was afraid that he can not control the way things are taking shape...

sometimes i think.. when i say " Oh its Maktub"
I really surpress my inability to change things... Saying Maktub is just an escape... for yes..
I am not supposed to know everything... things are sometimes just meant to be the way they are... things repeat themselves.. with new characters. who scream oh i wish it wasn;t this way..
who scream,

if qouted in words of Javed Akhtar :

" andhe khwaabon ko usoolon ka taraazu de de, mere maalik mujhe jazbaat pe kaabu de de"

or in words of Gulzar :
" belagaam udti hain kuchh khwahishein aise dil se, "mexican"filmon mein kuchh daudte ghode jaise|
thaan par baandhi nahi jaati sabhi khwaahishein mujhse|"

I have seen many relationships changing their names and yes feelings in them as well.. people holding on people opening up .. people fading away.. people straying away... some go mute.. some dissolve in... some reaching their so called " destiny" where one finds another and they lived happily ever after...

but some times i really feel.. are relationships all about it?


khona paanaa.. mananaa roothnaa.. ladna jhagadnaa.. ikraar inkaar.. ehsaas..sparsh... khamoshi aur svar..


who defines these relationships? or the limits??
we on the basis of our own wisdom.. understanding define .. ok this is my limit. beyond this.. relationships change meanings.. and then we live happily in our world of understanding...

as gulzar said...

"aao zabaanein baant lein ab apni apni hum,
na tum sunoge baat, na hum ki samajhna hai
do anpadhon ko kitani muhabbat hai adab se"
just the way we define on the seashore.. ok here is the place from where we wont get drenched by waves...

but then we forget that waves do not have limits.. u may be anywhere on seashore.. how much far from waves.. if the force is high.. u might get drenched.. for U R on seashore....

emotions are the waves.. u never know when would they rise up and ruin the limits u defined..

once i read a book called "who moved my cheese"
it talks about changes are all pervasive..its just we don't notice the changes until those a highly visible.. just the way u don't notice dirt on the table if u don't wipe it daily.. and one day u will see a mud rock there... :P

as i earlier said.. sometimes i feel saying Maktub is just suppressing my inability to change things.. it is also true that i was not able to change things just because i was ingnorant enough.. changes have always been there...

its just not I, it can happen to anyone of.. not just relationships.. but everywhere...

Its all Maktub..

things do occur... they always had to !
things do change.. they always had to!

but its just we need to be vigilant about changes.. and most importantly we must admit and accept that yes the changes happen and do we change.. we need to change..

its just we need to tell ourselves that.... since its all written, we need to realize it and not move back coz somethings weren't in our control.. for stepping back or hiding will not make things up.. just realizing and then changing accordingly will work..

in words of Gulzar :

"saath hi chalaa aayaa hai, jitna bhi safar hai,
raaste pairon mein rassiyon ki tarah lipte huye hain
laut ke chalne se bal khulte nahi, aur chadheinge"